As time slowly moves on, I have gradually gotten more comfortable without having hair. More comfortable as in, I can live with it for now. I still wish I had hair to braid or not brush if I wanted to. All the times I said, “I hate my hair” because it wouldn’t do what I wanted it to, I would take back in a heartbeat. I wish there was hair up there to hate, even for a second. Even with all the outpouring compliments And support from people, it still remains a daily confidence battle with myself, but you know what doesn’t make this any easier, the stares.
OH MY GOD!!
People! Didn’t your mommas teach you it isn’t nice to stare?!
You’d think little kids would be the ones staring at a bald girl, but it isn’t. They are the ones that are phased the least–curious maybe, but they DON’T stare.
It’s the ELDERLY that are the WORST. I mean like full force staring, mouth open staring. To the point I start feeling very uncomfortable. I’m not uncomfortable because I’m bald at this point, I’m uncomfortable because their beady eyes won’t look away. When I make eye contact and smile, I am not kidding when I say, they give me a DIRTY LOOK (like I am the one that has been rudely staring this whole time) and look away. I then take that as a small victory for the fact they looked away, but don’t worry… their gazes always return to me. At that point I’d just like to have a sign to pull out and politely inform them, “This isn’t a phase. I didn’t shave my head by choice.” Then maybe, just maybe their beady eyes will find another culprit.
The other group of people who are HORRIBLE (not as bad as the elderly, but still really bad) are the people who know me or of me. The ones that know me enough to have had a couple of conversations with me, but not enough to come up to me and talk to me in public or the ones that we are friends on social media and that’s as far as our friendship goes. If I run into them in public they will stare. Most of the time there is never an exchange of words, just the stares. EXCEPT when I make eye contact and smile with them, they smile back. BUT the smile I get from them isn’t a “I’m friendly” smile, it’s a “Oh I got caught, smile apologetically” smile. Just like the elderly though, the stares don’t stop.
Seriously, you can come up and talk to me. I will NOT bite. If you have questions, I will answer them. You can say ANYTHING.
I am the same person that I was before I shaved my head. I am the same person that I was before I found the lump on my neck. I am the same person I was before the cancer. I am the same person I was before I started chemo. I will be the same person after my hair is back, all of this is over, and the cancer is gone.
I guess the point of this blog was more to vent. I know the stares aren’t going to stop. I actually find them kind of comical because I know what I am going through and what got me to this point and most of the people staring, don’t know the half of it. Their imagination can run wild for hours. Whatever they decide my motive is for shaving my head, I am still happy. I’m still fighting. I will be healthy, soon.